Careless comments on "culture"

This post is long and doesn't have a specific point or conclusion.  I'm just thinking out loud.

I've decided that my experiences with cultures outside my own (however you might define my culture) are actually quite limited. Relative to most others my age, yes, I've traveled a lot and have developed "world citizen" skills and language. But virtually all of my international experiences have been with my family or with friends from very similar backgrounds. I only lived overseas within an American military subculture, so I've been around other Americans, studying in American schools, buying lots of American goods. Such a fluffy American - or at least western - cushion "protected" me somewhat from everything not American or western.

I'm not as cushioned in Australia because I'm living on my own, among the locals, and I'm not part of any American subculture. But, while I won't suggest America and Australia are "mostly the same," I will argue that America and Australia (and England) are quite similar in the grand scheme of things. There are cross-cultural misunderstandings and unique senses of humor and political, racial, religious frameworks that don't have an equivalent in the other countries... But, we're all considered "white" (I'm speaking in majorities and generalities), we're European or from European descent, we're all wealthy and consumer-driven, we're political allies... And America and Australia even share (different versions of) an "independent" spirit as used-to-be-English-colonies.

So, Australians are more like me than are Indonesians. Or Sudanese. Or white South Africans.

There are lots of Asians here. I have experience with Japanese culture having lived in Japan. But I'm learning my limited experiences didn't really teach me or assimilate me into Asian culture. Since arriving in Australia, I've noticed that some fairly common Asian "tendencies" annoy me... mannerisms, voice inflections, social habits and interactions. Some of these things really annoy me. And that is not "PC." I'm not okay with it. I, Mary Beth Brown, love different cultures! And I value the ability and willingness to step outside one's own shoes and walk in someone else's. So why do I find myself thinking: "AGH! These Asian girls are so obnoxious! Please shut up." And why do I - and others from American-European backgrounds - notice (at best) or judge (at worse) Asians who form "cliques"? (Mean Girls reference: "the cool Asians.") Is it so different from me hanging out with mostly Australians? If I moved to China, wouldn't I be excited to find other Americans and to be able to speak English?

No matter how much I want to be a citizen of the world (not in biblical terms), I will always operate out of my Americaness or westernness. I will always feel like I have to apologize for my country, or defend my country, or deny my country... or apologize for, defend, deny western culture. I hate it, but sometimes Asians - just because of their normal social behavior - will annoy me. Just because they don't conform to my idea of normal social behavior.

(I'm making huge generalizations.)

I think the fact that Asian social behavior is not that unusual makes it potentially more annoying than more obvious differences. Obvious differences are interesting and cool. Like people who don't wear clothes. Or who show up to dinner an hour after the agreed upon time (because that's the social norm). More subtle things like using high pitched "cutesy" voices or hiding your mouth with your hand when you smile are not interesting and cool. Maybe it's just me.

I really hate kissing on the cheek to say hello or goodbye. Unfortunately, I think it might be the norm in some Australian circles. It makes me really uncomfortable and nervous. I never know what side to offer or what to do with my lips. I'm afraid I make a really loud kissing sound that isn't quite right.

I'm trying to go to Sumatra next month but don't have anyone to travel with. I met some Indonesians last week and asked if I could travel successfully in Sumatra alone and they both said, "No, I don't think so. You should have a friend with you... it'd be best if they spoke Indonesian." I've been perusing Lonely Planet and Couch Surfing, looking for travelers who will be in Sumatra during April. I posted on LP's Indonesia forum. Click here to read my question and see the various responses. I find them very interesting; most are encouraging me to disregard the Indonesians' advice about me traveling solo. Several comically (offensively?) describe conversations they've had with Indonesians regarding solo (especially female) travel.

If you were born in the 80s or 90s, you should read "Stuff White People Like" by Christian Lander if you haven't already. If you're a parent of someone born in the 80s or 90s, you would also enjoy it. If you fit into another category but are interested in 21st century western culture, you should read it, too. The book is basically hundreds of satirical descriptions of things that "all white people like," why they like them, and how they think liking these things makes them unique, special, or whatever. There's lots of advice for people who aren't white, explaining how to exploit the "stuff white people like" in order to get white people's business, make white friends, etc. It's hilarious and "so true." But after awhile, if you're like me and always, eventually, take everything too seriously, you start feeling offended. Because Landers is making the point that eating organic food, liking coffee, wanting to be black, using Moleskin notebooks, taking a year off, not majoring in business, adopting kids from around the world, etc. does not make you unique. At all. I could continue to comment on the book, but in the end... it's funny, insightful, and I'm sure Christian Lander likes all this stuff, too, so I try not to feel too cliche.

During dinner last night (I cooked chicken, snow peas, and hand-mashed potatoes!), an Indian guy introduced himself, and after obligatory introductory comments we started talking about India.  I have lots of questions since I'm taking a history course on south Asia, and he loves India so much, he was happy to listen and help explain things.  (Also: he offered to show me around his country whenever I visit in the future, and he wasn't offended when I asked him if he was a Muslim.  He's Hindu.)  His friend joined us, also from India, but apparently this guy hates the place.  Really hates it.  It turns out the second guy left India when he was four and has lived in Australia since.  He returns for a couple of months every year, and he says this has allowed him to see all the corruption and other negative aspects of India that he "[hasn't] seen in Australia."  He mentioned the terrorist attacks in Mumbai and some story about his family fighting over his grandfather's inheritance (which I suggested was a universal problem).  The first guy was pretty angry with the second's rantings, and I told the first guy I trusted his opinion more than the second guy's. Would the second guy hate India so much if he hadn't been living in Australia all these years?

Photos and less philsophizing soon.